Life, Lessons and Learning

What is one thing you learned, recently?

I wish people could give me that answer. I really do. It stinks, sometimes. Knowing that it isn’t that you don’t want to do the work to find out how to keep going, but that you just don’t know how and wish someone else could lay the answer out in front of you. I have those moments a lot. When life gets really stressful and I feel defeated, I wish the lesson in learning wasn’t that I’ll just have to keep moving and will find the answer myself. Sometimes, I wish the answer could be given to me by someone. Just as I wish I had the answers to difficult questions that some of my loved ones face. The fact of the matter is, no one can answer your questions for you. At least not the really important ones. The ones that make you understand how it all fits together and why things happened. A friend of mine recently shared a great quote with me, and although there’s a part of me that would love to believe it’s words didn’t ring true, I want to embrace it and hopefully help let the words teach and empower me.

Yeah, that kind of sucks a bit. I’m not going to lie. But it’s true. The true things, the things we cannot educate people on, the confusing pieces of life are those that people have to discover for themselves. It may take them minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or even years. But the lesson itself comes when the person needs it most. Seize the moment and believe in the answer that your heart lets you find. Allow your mind to wander and discover all that the world has to offer. While you will encounter many people in life that will teach you wonderful things only life can teach you about itself. Life is a tough educator. It isn’t always fair or kind but the answer always appears in one form or fashion. But, you have to be willing to seek it out.

 

 

Find the missing pieces

How do you view life?

Life is like a puzzle. Many people liken life to a book filled with chapters and stories. And perhaps some lives are like that. But I feel like life is a puzzle, ripe and unopened, ready to be put together in the exquisite way it was meant to form a picture in the end. Many of us go through life not knowing what it means, not understanding why certain things happen and how it will end. Maybe, at the end of your days, the moments before you take those last precious breaths, you can see the picture clearly as the last piece is added to complete the picture.

We form a picture in our minds of what life is supposed to look like for us. But, what if the image on the box is covered and our mission is to find the missing pieces and mold them together in such a way that they work to complete us? Sometimes we pick up an incorrect piece or make a choice that is a lesson and doesn’t work out the way we’d hoped it would. We simply place that piece aside and save it for later. The choice can be made again but at a better time when the opportunity adequately fits. Just as a human being, the puzzle begins out with a small piece and not everything is quite harmonized, yet. Then, we grow, develop, learn, add memories to our mind, hold on to experiences and touch other lives with our own.

“People are like puzzles. They take time and patience to understand.”

And perhaps the above quote is true. No one really knows the puzzle of someone else’s existence. We can help them figure out how to put the pieces together, but we cannot give them our own pieces because each puzzle is unique. They may have similarities, but the pieces aren’t just interchangeable. You are the one who has to put together your own picture to see the whole view at the end. And maybe that is why people are so fulfilled when they are ready to leave this earth. They’ve seen how their puzzle turns out and are blown away with the result. They finally see the whole picture and how it all came together to be one. That piece was the moment they first began school. The piece in the corner was their first kiss. Another piece was the time they graduated college. The small cluster of pieces in the bottom right are a big move to a new place. And other pieces are there to fill in the gaps. The time they got their first pet or had their 50th birthday celebration. The moments they shared with friends as they announced an engagement or a baby on the way. All the pieces blend and encompass the life they lived. And everything that happened for a reason finally makes sense.

The Present

How do you live in the moment?

Unfortunately this is something I struggle with daily. I’m always trying to think too far ahead and worry about the future or am regretting the past and reflecting on things I cannot change. I think everyone has problems with this and it may be because of our busy lifestyles or maybe just the way we humans are wired. However, practicing staying in the present is a task we should all look into for our own well being. I’ve talked about it not only in counseling but with good friends as well and every day, I’m attempting to do it more and more. There are certainly days where I fail or regress and sometimes I don’t get it right. But being in the present, at least for me, is also a lot easier when my mind is occupied and I am able to give something my full and entire attention. That’s the way it should be. Isn’t it? We’re always told it’s rude to avert our eyes or not give someone or something our entire attention. So why is this something that we have such trouble with?

Maybe it’s that we are forgetful, or perhaps we just aren’t as interested in what is going on at that exact moment and time. But, living in the moment, is one of the greatest treasures we can give ourselves. It relieves us from anxiety, sadness, worry and fear. It allows us to just take in this one piece as it is and accept it. A friend of mine has been coming over a lot lately and we’ve just been doing homework and relaxing with the dogs. How nice it is to have someone to just share the silence with at times. The company itself is peaceful and enjoyable. We took the dogs for a walk today and it was a nice relief from all the stress this week has brought. I tried to just enjoy that slice of the day for what it was and it was beautiful.

Favorite Things

What are some of your favorite things?

• Dogs
• Guinea Pigs
• Giraffes
• Sunsets
• Warm weather
• The beach
• Quotes
• Meaningful conversations
• Dog training
• Being with friends

Capture my Heart

What attracts you to a person?

I’d like to think I don’t pay much attention to people’s appearance but rather their personality. I certainly don’t ignore appearance as a whole, since that’s something that is difficult to avoid and ingrained in our minds. But, I do focus more on a person’s individual traits and personality rather than how they look to me.

The first thing I usually notice about a person is their eyes. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul and can tell you a lot. I’m a firm believer in this. Eyes usually don’t lie and you can tell a lot from someone’s emotion and well being when you look in their eyes. Eyes can show you happiness, worry, sadness, anger and a story. Many people don’t give eye contact when speaking with others and that in itself is so important. It’s something I’m working on myself as I’m terrible at it. I glance away a lot and don’t like people to see me. Not that I have things to hide, but I just don’t let people in as easily at times. Eyes are a fascinating thing. The colors they have and the stories they tell are unique to each person.

Other things I like to notice in people is a kind heart and compassion toward others. I enjoy seeing people spread the good and be nice toward people they meet in their lives. A good heart and ability to share the happiness is a great quality. It makes me smile.

A smile is something I also tend to focus on. I think a huge part of this is that I don’t particularly like my own smile and seeing others smile evokes an emotion of joy in me. A smile can convey a lot and it’s true what they say. Smiles are contagious. It even lifts your mood and can help change your thought process in that very moment.

I notice how people treat creatures that are not only human, but creatures we see as inferior to us, such as pets and wild animals.

“The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” -Mahatma Gandhi

How this man’s words ring true in my ears. People that treat other creatures well are those that I wish to surround myself.

Now, it’s okay to not always be 100% positive because that’s life and many of us struggle with only sharing the good. Sometimes we have to complain a bit and get upset. But, I do try to surround myself with those that make an effort to think and act positively. Surround yourself with those that lift you up, encourage you, are happy for your success and speak to your face instead of your back. These are the truly good people in life. These people capture my heart.

Individuality

What are the differences between you and most other people?

Another inspirational question by my good friend, today’s question, I hope, will help me explore what I find unique about myself. I’ve already spoken about how little I value myself and I’m really and truly trying to get better at that. This is why I picked today’s question to be this one. As difficult as it will be for me to answer that is what causes us to grow and develop as people.

I think many people are very busy with their own lives. They often don’t stop to think about how others are doing or care to check in with friends and loved ones. Though I’m not perfect at this either, I feel I do an adequate job staying in touch with the people I’m close to. I always want others to be happy and care about them. I would rather someone else be happy than be happy myself. That might be a sad thought for some people, but it’s definitely how I view things. I want to make others smile and see their lives filled with joy because I don’t feel like it’s something I deserve.

I’d like to think I’m a pretty flexible person. I adjust to others easily in the sense that depending on how well I know a person or what that person is like, I can liken my actions, thoughts and moods to theirs. Perhaps it’s because I am an intuitive person and I seem to draw a parallel to them. I’m not sure I truly understand it but I like it and it works well for me. Maybe it’s because I’m still trying to discover a big part of who I am and so I’m alternating my thoughts, ideas and emotions.

Perhaps others could give you more insight. I don’t feel I’m the one to do that. At least not tonight.

Marcella (n.)

How do you define yourself?

Oh my! Today’s question is a good one and I have to give a shout out to my lovely friend, Heather, who inspired me to blog in the first place, last year and again this year. She gave me this question today and I think it’s pretty perfect. Not perfect in the sense that it will be easy to answer. Just the opposite in fact. But, today’s question is one that will hopefully give me some insight and perhaps help some of you understand me better.

A list of words I would use to describe myself

• Passionate
• Determined
• Sensitive
• Caring
• Broken
• Introverted
• Intuitive
• Curious
• Imperfect
• Amusing

Passionate: I am passionate about dog training, behavior and the science behind how creatures learn. I always want to learn more and understand things better and hope that share that with others so they can see the joy and wonder in owning a pet and forming a bond with an animal that doesn’t speak our language.

Determined: I am determined to make my life one to remember. My work towards owning my own successful dog training business is one that I continuously work at. There have been several ups and many downs but I am still standing.

Sensitive: I wear my heart on my sleeve and get my feelings hurt easily. Internalizing is one of my key characteristics and sometimes it bites me in the ass. However, at the same time, I have difficulties expressing my emotions with people I am not close to.

Caring: I care about those around me and hate to see other living beings hurting. If there is something I can do, then I will do everything in my power to rectify the problem. I almost always have an open ear for a friend day or night and love the special people in my life, deeply.

Broken: I am broken into several pieces. My life hasn’t been easy, but whose has? I need a little glue, a bit of tape and some hope, but one day, I believe I will be whole again. It might just take a while.

Introverted: I am a person of few words most of the time. Unless I’m incredibly into a conversation, I tend to stay quiet and listen and observe. People watching can teach you a lot and there isn’t necessarily a need for common pleasantries. Speak what you feel and chose your words wisely.

Intuitive: I watch people carefully and always wonder what they are thinking. Perhaps that’s why I am able to sense their emotions and can check in on them. People aren’t always quick to ask for help or a shoulder to lean on and I want to be that person. Everyone needs someone.

Curious: Ever since I can recall, I’ve always wanted to know *why*. I still ask questions daily and am constantly striving to learn more about the world we inhabit, the creatures we share it with and what the meaning of life is. Perhaps I won’t ever answer that question, but I’m hell bent on trying.

Imperfect: I am human and that makes me imperfect. I’ve lied and been mean. I’ve caused people sadness and anger. I’ve said things I regret and sometimes there are mistakes I wish I had never made. But, I am beautifully flawed and am learning to understand and accept that.

Amusing: Very few people will believe this, but I can be a very funny person. If I know you well enough, you will see the funny, crazy, silly and goofy side of me. It doesn’t always manifest itself, but when it does, it brings smiles to the faces of those I love and that itself makes me feel warm inside.

There are many other ways I’m sure I could define myself. While this only scratches the surface, I feel it’s an accurate description of my all around being. I am so much more than what is mentioned above. Not everyone will discover it or be one to know the whole me. Those people I hold close, however, they hold my heart and have helped me define who I am.

Heartache and Hope

How do you keep moving forward?

That’s a weighted thought. But, I didn’t want to write about something random today. I wanted to push myself and write about things that mean something. I want to evoke emotion not only in myself but those that may read this. Many of us don’t know how to keep going when we’ve lost so much or when our world comes crumbling down. Many of us fight battles others know nothing about and yet we stand at the end of the day, shaking, crying but ready to continue to move forward.

I don’t know.

I couldn’t really tell you the answer even if I tried. I don’t know how you do it or why. Maybe it’s because you feel there isn’t another option but to continue going on with life. Perhaps you feel that things will get better and there’s a small bit of hope lurking somewhere inside you. Whatever it is that drives you, listen to it and let it guide you on your way. Sometimes we push away those thoughts because we are so focused on the bad that we forget that we are fighters and have made it this far.

There’s a song that has had me thinking a lot lately. Speaking of scattered pieces. Trying so hard. Losing things along the way. And yet, there’s hope. Maybe it will spark something inside of you. And maybe it won’t. For what it’s worth, you can click here and listen to it if you wish. Maybe that’s what I’m looking for. What the song speaks about. And maybe it’s something else. 

Maybe it isn’t about you and the broken pieces you’re in but who will make them whole again. It could be about starting anew and believing in people again instead of seeing how much their actions can break you. And that’s a risk. A pretty big one at that. But, what else can you do? There aren’t a lot of other choices. Sometimes you just have to jump and believe. Sometimes you give people the benefit of the doubt and let them heal you.

 

 

 

And maybe, just maybe, one day, I’ll be whole  again.

Share the good times, too

What gets you excited about life?

Today has been a fairly successful day. Despite the nasty weather we’ve been having, cold and rainy, I’ve been dragging myself out and being a responsible grown up. That’s always fun. Sometimes I’m very proud of is speaking to my Companion Animal Science professor. For those that know how incredibly shy I get and how crippling my severe anxiety is, know that this isn’t something to be taken lightly. Often, I will go through an entire semester not speaking to a professor unless I absolutely have to. Not sure why but that’s how it is. So, for me to purposefully go up to someone I consider an authority figure and am intimidated by makes me smile because I’ve accomplished something big. Along with that, the dogs and I had a nice walk today. We enjoyed what little appearance the sunshine made today and walked for a good hour while speaking with a friend on the phone. A good 1.75 miles for the dogs and they are now content and asleep. I wanted to blog right after our walk, but instead, I decided to be responsible and even managed to get my Statistics homework fun in addition to finishing another assignment earlier. Just knowing that I am ahead of the game is a really good feeling sometimes. I’m trying to really take today and appreciate the little things, knowing that sometimes, it isn’t about the big accomplishments but the little battles we win inside ourselves.

“Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment, full effort is full victory.” -Mahatma Gandhi

A piece of their story

What are some words that have spoken to you, recently?

Today’s words won’t be many of my own, but I’ve been meaning to share something that I found powerful and eye opening. It may not mean much at first and it’s a difficult thought to wrap your mind around, but it makes a lot of sense as well.

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Sonder (n.)- the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as our own – populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness – an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk

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We are all a piece of each other’s stories, no matter how large or small. But, especially if you play a large part, remember that without you, their story wouldn’t be complete..